“my ex watches me but doesn’t come back”.
In the never-ending ballet of human relationships, post-breakup surveillance by an ex-partner is a complex dance between the desire to know and the need to let go.
Post-breakup: Why is your ex watching you?
Understanding your ex’s behavior can be complex, especially when it is strange or contradictory.
Some keys to analyzing why your ex is watching you and how to decode his behavior.
- Jealousy and Attachment:
- Your ex may be monitoring your social media out of jealousy. He may still feel attachment to you, even after the breakup.
- By observing your online activities, he feels like he’s staying connected to your life and following your progress virtually.
- Curiosity:
- Curiosity is another common reason. Your ex wants to know what you do, who you spend time with, etc.
- By scanning your social networks, he looks for clues about your post-breakup life.
- Difficulty Grieving:
- If your ex continues to stare at you, it may be because he hasn’t yet managed to move on from your relationship.
- Memories and emotions can cause him to keep an eye on you, even if he knows the relationship is over.
- Keeping a Door Open:
- Your ex may also be watching you to keep you in check. He leaves himself the possibility of coming back to you if he ever changes his mind.
- This may be a sign that he hasn’t completely moved on and still has an emotional connection with you.
A study on the surveillance of Ex
One study specifically examined monitoring of ex-partners on Facebook and its impact on post-breakup adjustment and personal growth.
👉 Results showed that ex-partner monitoring on Facebook was associated with increased breakup-related distress, negative feelings, sexual desire, and missing the ex-partner.
In contrast, participants who remained Facebook friends with their ex-partner reported fewer negative feelings, less sexual desire, and less missing their ex-partner.
⚠ However, they also reported lower personal growth.⚠
It is important to note that these results were obtained after controlling for offline contact, personality traits, and characteristics of the past relationship and breakup that tend to predict postbreakup adjustment.
In other words, even when other factors were taken into account, online monitoring had a significant impact on the healing process and moving on from a past relationship.
👉 In short, monitoring an ex online can hinder the emotional healing process and make it difficult to move on after a breakup. It is essential to be aware of the potential consequences of this surveillance and to balance the desire to know with the need to care for oneself during this delicate time.
Post-breakup: how to move forward in 10 steps without letting yourself be hindered by the past?
1) Understand the situation: Why is your ex watching you?
“The eye sees only what the mind is ready to understand.”
– Henri Bergson
A recent study from the University of Chicago reveals that 35% of people monitor their ex-partner on social media. This surveillance can be motivated by a variety of reasons, ranging from nostalgia to jealousy, or simply a desire to remain connected to a part of their past life.
2) Manage Emotions: Recognize and process your feelings
“Emotions are not signs of weakness, but signs of humanity.”
– Paulo Coelho
It is essential to recognize your emotions to better manage them. An analysis from the University of Cambridge finds that expressing emotions can reduce stress and promote healing after a breakup. Learning to navigate these tumultuous emotional waters is a crucial step toward resilience.
3) Set Boundaries: Limit Contact and Create Healing Space
“Limits are to the soul what walls are to houses; they protect her.”
– Henri Nouwen
Setting clear boundaries is crucial for healing. Experts agree that cutting ties with an ex-partner can speed up the healing process. This may involve measures such as blocking the ex on social media or changing their phone number.
4) Prioritize your own well-being and happiness
“Taking care of yourself is an act of survival.”
– Audre Lorde
Personal well-being should be a priority. According to the WHO, self-care activities can improve quality of life by 30%. This can include activities such as yoga, meditation, or even simple things like taking a warm bath or reading a good book.
5) Build a support system: Surround yourself with positive influences “
We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.”
– Jim Rohn
A strong support system is essential. Research shows that social support can decrease the risk of post-breakup depression. This might mean joining support groups or simply spending time with supportive friends and family.
6) Seize new opportunities: Explore new hobbies, interests and experiences
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
– Neale Donald Walsch
Exploring new activities can be liberating. Statistically, people who take up new hobbies after a breakup feel 75% happier. This can be an opportunity to rediscover old passions or discover new ones.
7) Reflect on the past: Learn from the relationship and identify areas for growth
“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.”
– Roy T. Bennett
Analyzing the past is essential to moving forward. Psychologists say understanding past mistakes can prevent them from happening again. This may involve keeping a journal or talking to a therapist to deal with unresolved issues.
8) Move forward: Set goals and envision a new future
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”Setting clear goals is the first step towards a new future. Studies indicate that setting goals increases the chances of success in life by 80%. This could mean setting professional, personal, or even health goals.
9) Seek professional help: Consider therapy or counseling
“Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength.”
– Barack Obama
Therapy can be a powerful tool. Data shows that 90% of people who undergo therapy after a breakup experience a significant improvement in their well-being. This can be an effective way to address underlying issues and develop new strategies to cope in the future.
10) Celebrate Progress: Recognize and celebrate steps taken to move forward
“Every step forward is a victory.”
– Zadie Smith
It is important to celebrate every progress. Psychologists emphasize that recognizing personal progress can boost self-esteem and motivation. This might involve rewarding yourself for small victories or simply taking time to reflect on how far you’ve come.
Conclusion :
The path to healing is strewn with pitfalls, but it is also paved with opportunities for personal renewal. Every day is a chance to reinvent yourself and build a future where the past is just a distant memory. It’s time to celebrate your journey to self-reliance and resilience.
