”My ex has contradictory behavior”. Wondering why your ex is sending you mixed signals?
Do you feel like he or she doesn’t know what he or she wants? Don’t understand why he or she contacts you then ignores you, compliments you then criticizes you, tells you he or she loves you then rejects you?
Are you lost and don’t know how to react to this contradictory behavior?
What if your ex is a narcissistic pervert 😈! How to regain control of the situation and your love life? This is what we will see in this article.
👉 First of all, know that you are not alone. Many people find themselves faced with an ex who changes their mind, who plays with their feelings, who makes them hope and then disappoints them. It is a very frustrating and painful situation, which can prevent you from moving on and rebuilding your life.
10 signs of contradictory behavior from your ex
- He or she contacts you often, then disappears for days or weeks. This may mean that he or she still has feelings for you, but is afraid of committing or being hurt again.
- He or she compliments you, then criticizes you. This can reflect a mixture of attraction and resentment. He or she likes you, but he or she also blames you for the breakup.
- He or she tells you about new encounters, then asks you if you are seeing anyone. This may reveal a desire to make you jealous, but also a curiosity about your love life. He or she wants to know if you have moved on or not.
- He or she asks you to remain friends, then makes advances towards you. This may indicate that he or she is unable to cut ties with you, but that he or she also does not want to get back into a relationship. He or she is looking for an ambiguous and non-committal relationship.
- He or she tells you that he or she loves you, then he or she never wants to see you again. This may reflect deep confusion and inner conflict. He or she is torn between the desire to return to you and the fear of suffering again.
- He or she blocks you on social media, then unblocks you. This can express difficulty managing emotions and making a decision. He or she wants to forget you, but he or she can’t.
- He or she asks you out, then cancels at the last minute. This can demonstrate a lack of respect and consideration. He or she plays with your feelings and doesn’t care about your expectations.
- He or she gives you gifts, then takes them back. This may indicate immature and capricious behavior. He or she wants to get your attention, but he or she changes his or her mind quickly.
- He or she talks to you about his or her future, then changes the subject. This can suggest a lack of confidence and plan. He or she doesn’t know what he or she wants to do with his or her life, nor who he or she wants to share it with.
- He or she tells you he or she needs time, then comes back to you. This may mean that he or she is having difficulty getting over the breakup and moving forward. He or she hopes things will get better, but he or she does nothing to help.
These examples show that your ex is ambivalent and that he or she has not moved on from the relationship. He or she is torn between the desire to return to you and the fear of suffering again. He or she doesn’t know what he or she really wants and he or she makes you suffer from his or her moods.
4 Reasons for your ex’s contradictory behavior
It depends on your ex’s personality, the nature of your relationship, how you broke up, etc.
- Your ex is undecided. He or she doesn’t know what he or she really wants. He or she still has feelings for you, but he or she also has doubts, fears, regrets. He or she is hesitant between giving you a second chance or moving on. He or she is torn between their heart and their reason. He or she changes their mind according to their moods, their desires, their external influences. He or she has not moved on from your relationship and is not ready to commit to a new one.
- Your ex is manipulative. He or she uses you to fill his or her ego, his or her lack of affection, his or her need for control. He or she plays with your feelings to get what he or she wants from you: sex, attention, money, etc. He or she has no respect for you or your emotions. He or she makes you believe that he or she cares about you, but he or she doesn’t want to get involved in a serious relationship with you. He or she keeps you in uncertainty and confusion to keep you under his or her control.
- Your ex is jealous. He or she can’t stand the idea of you starting a new life with someone else. He or she wants to keep tabs on you and know what you’re doing, who you’re dating, etc. He or she tries to make you jealous by talking about other people, flirting with them, etc. He or she wants you to stay attached to him or her, even if he or she doesn’t want to get back with you. He or she wants to have it both ways.
- Your ex is nostalgic. He or she thinks back to the good times you shared together and regrets the breakup. He or she realizes that he or she made a mistake by leaving you and that he or she still has feelings for you. He or she wants to reconnect with you and see if there is still a chance of getting back together. He or she wants to rediscover the complicity and tenderness that you had before. He or she wants to repair what was broken between you.
Also read: Is my ex still in love with me? 8 real signs!
What if my ex is a narcissistic pervert?
If your ex-partner is exhibiting contradictory behavior and you are wondering if he or she may be a narcissist, there are some signs to watch for. Narcissistic people can be very charming and manipulative, but can also be emotionally abusive and controlling.
A narcissistic pervert is a person who manipulates and devalues others to feel superior and fill their lack of self-esteem. He uses strategies of seduction, lies, guilt, denigration, verbal or physical violence to dominate and control his victim. He has no empathy or remorse for the harm he does.
If you think your ex is a narcissistic pervert, it is important to realize the reality of the situation and protect yourself.
Here are some signs that can help you identify a narcissistic pervert:
- He made you believe that you were the love of his life, that he was perfect for you, that he understood you better than anyone. He made you promises that he didn’t keep, he gave you gifts or romantic gestures to seduce you.
- He completely changed after getting what he expected from you: he became cold, distant, critical, contemptuous, aggressive. He made you feel like you weren’t good enough, that you were guilty of everything, that you had to change to please him. He isolated you from your friends, from your family, from your activities. He made you doubt yourself, your worth, your sanity.
- He played with your feelings: he blamed you, then he apologized and asked for forgiveness. He threw fits of jealousy at you, then he reassured you and told you he loved you. He ignored you, then harassed you with messages or calls. He made you believe he was going to change, then he started his toxic behaviors again.
- He did not respect your limits: he invaded your personal space, he searched through your belongings, he controlled your movements, your contacts, your expenses. He demanded that you account for everything you did. He abused your trust, he lied about his past, his intentions, his feelings. He used your money, your time, your energy for his own benefit.
- He did not assume his responsibilities: he blamed others, the circumstances, and you. He did not admit his wrongdoing or offer a sincere apology. He did not seek to improve himself or seek help. He minimized or denied his hurtful actions or words.
👉 If these signs speak to you, know that it’s not your fault if your ex is a narcissistic pervert. You are not responsible for his behavior or his discomfort. You have the right to break up with him and cut off all contact. You have the right to ask for help from people you trust. You have the right to take care of yourself and regain your self-esteem and self-confidence.
You can get out of this toxic relationship and rebuild your life.
Also read: Toxic People: Signs-Test-Spot-Destabilize-Avoid
Here’s what a manipulative Ex does after a breakup in 5 points:
- He’s trying to make you feel guilty. The manipulator will blame you for being responsible for the breakup and for having hurt him. It will make you believe that you are selfish, ungrateful or mean. He will try to make you doubt your decision and your worth.
- He’s harassing you. The manipulator will contact you constantly by telephone, by message or by social networks. He will ask you to give him a second chance, to explain to him why you left him, to remain friends or to report to him. He will send you gifts, flowers or love letters.
- He is emotionally blackmailing you. The manipulator will threaten to harm himself, commit suicide or harm you if you do not return to him. He will make you believe that he cannot live without you, that he is unhappy or that he needs your help. He will try to scare you or make you feel sorry for himself.
- He denigrates you. The manipulator will criticize you, insult you or humiliate you in front of others. He will accuse you of being unfaithful, liar or manipulative. He will minimize your qualities, your successes or your projects. He will try to make you lose confidence in yourself and in those around you.
- He idealizes you. The manipulator will give you compliments, praise or promises. He will tell you that he has changed, that he has understood his mistakes or that he is ready to commit. He will try to seduce you, make you laugh or remind you of the good times spent together.
How to react to your ex’s contradictory behavior?
- Try to understand the reasons for his behavior. Your ex may have ambivalent feelings towards you, meaning that he or she still loves you but also needs to step back or move on. He or she may also be in denial, anger or guilt, and not know how to manage their emotions. He or she may also want to keep you under control, out of fear of loneliness or selfishness. He or she may also want to test you, to see if you are still attached or if you have rebuilt your life.
- Don’t take his behavior as proof of love. Even if your ex is sending you positive signals, that doesn’t mean he or she wants to get back with you. He or she may simply seek reassurance, forgiveness, or revenge. Don’t get your hopes up and don’t let yourself be manipulated by his mood swings. Keep in mind that your relationship is over and your ex is no longer the person you share your life with.
- Set your limits and stick to them. If your ex’s behavior is causing you pain, you have the right to tell him to stop. You can ask him to stop contacting you, to leave you alone, or to clarify his intentions. You can also cut ties with him or her, by blocking his or her number, deleting his or her messages or avoiding meeting him or her. Don’t feel guilty about protecting your well-being and dignity. You are not responsible for your ex’s feelings or their happiness.
- Take care of yourself and move forward with your life. The best way to react to your ex’s contradictory behavior is to focus on yourself and your plans. Do activities that you enjoy, surround yourself with friends and family, meet new people, discover new horizons. In short, live your life to the fullest without waiting for your ex to come back or change their mind. You will see that little by little, he or she will lose importance in your eyes and that you will be ready to turn the page and find love again.
- Don’t take his words or actions at face value. He or she may change his or her mind overnight and disappoint you again.
- Don’t give him the power to control your emotions. Keep an emotional distance and don’t let his messages or calls upset you.
- Don’t run after him. If he or she really wants to get back with you, he or she must make an effort and be clear and consistent.
- Don’t close yourself off from other opportunities. Don’t get stuck on your ex and get out of your comfort zone. Meet new people and have new experiences.
👉 When faced with this type of behavior, it is important to remain calm and maintain your dignity. Don’t let yourself be influenced by his mood swings and don’t run after him. Show him that you also have your life and your priorities, and that you are not at his disposal.
👉 If you really want to reconnect with your ex, try talking to them clearly and calmly about your expectations and feelings. If you see that he or she persists in his or her ambiguous attitude and that he or she does not respect your needs, it is better to distance yourself and move on.
10 healthy behaviors from an ex
Healthy behaviors from an ex are those that respect the other person’s boundaries and needs, without trying to manipulate, hurt, or get them back.
- Accept the breakup and respect the other’s decision, without insisting, without harassing or threatening.
- Cut contact if necessary to mourn the loss of the relationship, without feeling guilty or resentful.
- Focus on yourself and your personal projects, without comparing or devaluing yourself.
- Maintain a cordial and polite attitude if you meet your ex, without being intrusive or provocative.
- Recognize your wrongs and your responsibilities in the relationship, without accusing or shifting the blame to the other.
- Respect the private and emotional life of your ex, without monitoring him, without criticizing or judging him.
- Rejoice in your ex’s happiness, without being jealous or bitter.
- Ask for forgiveness if you hurt your ex, without expecting reward or forgiveness in return.
- Remember the good times spent together, without idealizing or regretting the relationship.
- Be available and listen if your ex needs help or support, without being intrusive or possessive.
5 healthy behaviors of an ex who wants to come back
Also read: After breakup, man always comes back! How possible is this?
- He or she respects your space and time. An ex who wants to come back isn’t going to harass you with messages or calls, or follow you everywhere you go. Rather, he or she will let you breathe and show you that he or she has changed and evolved. He or she will also respect your pace and not put pressure on you to resume the relationship.
- He or she is sincerely interested in you and your life. An ex who wants to come back won’t just talk about him or her or give you superficial compliments. Instead, he or she will try to find out how you are, what you do, what you like, what you think. He or she will also listen to you attentively and support you in your projects and your difficulties.
- He or she acknowledges his or her wrongdoing and apologizes. An ex who wants to come back isn’t going to deny or downplay the reasons for the breakup, or place the blame on you. Instead, he or she will take responsibility for their mistakes and responsibilities, and offer you a sincere and deep apology. He or she will also show you that he or she has learned lessons from the past and that he or she is willing to make the effort to make it work.
- He or she is available and reliable. An ex who wants to come back isn’t going to play with your feelings or make empty promises. Rather, he or she will be present and attentive, and respect his or her commitments. He or she will also make concrete proposals to spend time with you, without being intrusive or possessive.
- He or she expresses his or her feelings and intentions. An ex who wants to come back isn’t going to be vague or ambiguous, or make innuendos or allusions to you. Rather, he or she will be clear and honest, and tell you how he or she feels about you, what he or she expects from you, what he or she hopes for the future. He or she will also respect your choice and your feelings, without forcing your hand or manipulating you.
Conclusion
It is not easy to understand the intentions and feelings of your ex, especially if he or she adopts contradictory behavior. For example, he or she may send you positive signals, such as calling you, complimenting you, or asking you out, then ignoring, pushing you away, or criticizing you. This kind of attitude can make you hope for reconciliation, but also hurt and frustrate you.
👉 When faced with an ex who has contradictory behavior, it is important not to let yourself be manipulated or lose your self-esteem. You have to try to take a step back and ask yourself what you really want. Do you really want to get back with your ex, or are you looking to move on? Do we accept the conditions imposed by our ex, or do we have different needs and expectations? Do we feel good in this relationship, or are we suffering too much?
✋ Your ex may be a narcissist, a person who has excessive love for themselves and lacks empathy for others. A narcissist can exhibit contradictory behavior because he seeks to manipulate his partners and keep them under his influence. He can alternate between phases of seduction and rejection, kindness and nastiness, promises and lies. In doing so, he creates confusion and dependence in his victim, who no longer knows what to expect or how 😈
🥰 You have to listen to your heart, but also your reason. You have to respect yourself, but also respect your ex. You have to be honest with yourself, but also with your ex. You must clearly communicate your feelings, your desires and your limits, but also listen to those of your ex. You have to be willing to compromise, but also to protect yourself.
In conclusion, an ex who exhibits contradictory behavior can be a source of confusion and suffering. So you have to be vigilant and know what you want. You also have to remember that you deserve to be happy and loved, and that sometimes it is better to let your ex go to move on with your life.
Also discover: How to work on yourself after a breakup? 6 TIPS + Quotes
