To love and be loved is the dream of many people. However, some of them have difficulty fully experiencing their feelings and committing to a lasting relationship. This is the case for many men who are afraid of commitment and who adopt contradictory or avoidant behaviors with the woman they like.
👉 What are the causes of this fear? You will discover the testimonies of Julien who managed to overcome his fear of commitment and find happiness. What are the signs that a man is in love but afraid of commitment? How can we help him overcome his fear and open up to love?
In this article, we will explain to you the complex and frequent phenomenon of the man in love who is afraid. First, we will see the reasons that can explain this fear in certain men. Next, we will present to you the typical behaviors of a man in love who is afraid. Finally, we will give you advice on how to reassure a man in love who is afraid and help him move forward in the relationship.
The causes of a man in love who is afraid of commitment:
To illustrate the causes of fear in a man in love, let’s take Julien’s story.
👉 Julien is a 35-year-old man who works as a consultant in a large company. He met Laura six months ago on a dating site and they hit it off straight away. Laura is a 32-year-old woman who works as a nurse in a hospital. She is sweet, caring, and full of humor. Julien feels good with her, he finds her beautiful, intelligent, and funny. He has strong feelings for her and he knows that she loves him too.
However, Julien has difficulty getting involved with Laura. He never said “I love you” to her, he doesn’t offer her long-term plans, he avoids introducing her to his friends or family. He sometimes appears distant, cold, or contradictory with her. He sometimes doesn’t answer his calls or messages for several days, then comes back as if nothing had happened. He also sometimes pushes her away when she tries to get closer to him or reproaches her unjustified.
What are the reasons that explain Julien’s behavior? In fact, Julien is afraid of commitment and love for several reasons:
Julien: I am afraid of commitment!
“I always had trouble becoming attached to a woman. I felt suffocated, imprisoned, as soon as the relationship became serious. I had multiple one-night stands, without ever satisfying myself. I thought that love was never wasn’t for me until the day I met Laura.
She was different from the others. She was funny, intelligent, generous. She didn’t put pressure on me, she respected my pace. Little by little, I felt closer to her, more confident. I realized that I loved her, and that I wanted to be with her.
But I was still afraid to take the plunge, to officially commit. I was afraid of losing her, of disappointing her, of suffering. It must be said that I had also experienced a former painful relationship, which had left me with scars. So I decided to see a therapist. He helped me understand the origins of my fear, which came from my childhood.
My parents separated when I was little, and I suffered from their absence. I was afraid of reliving this scenario with Laura. The therapist taught me to trust in myself, in her, in us. He gave me advice on how to communicate with her, to express my feelings, my needs, my limits.
He also encouraged me to do projects with her, to share activities, passions, dreams. Thanks to him, I managed to overcome my fear of commitment and embark on a lasting relationship with Laura. Today, we are happy together, and we are even planning to get married and have children. I don’t regret having done this work on myself, because it allowed me to experience the most beautiful feeling: love.”
Julien’s story: you always have to dig deeper to know the truth.
👉 Falling in love is not part of his current “life plan”.
Julien is very focused on his professional career and he has ambitious goals to achieve. He believes that getting involved with Laura could harm his success and progress. He also fears losing his independence and freedom by becoming a couple. He likes to hang out with his friends, travel, and do what he wants when he wants. He thinks that if he gets into a relationship with Laura, he will have to give up all that and conform to her expectations.
👉 Laura’s feelings, echoing his own, scare him.
Julien is not used to having such strong feelings for a woman. He has always had superficial and casual relationships. He feels overwhelmed by the intensity of the emotions he feels for Laura and that he perceives in her. He is afraid of not being good enough, of disappointing her, or of making her suffer. He is afraid of becoming attached too quickly, too strongly, or for too long to her and of not being able to break away if the relationship ends badly.
👉 It may be a question of maturity, he doesn’t feel ready, not mature enough, not up to the task of getting into a relationship. Julien lacks confidence in himself, in his abilities, or in his future. He has doubts about himself, about his role as a man, about his ability to make a woman happy. He also has limiting beliefs about love, relationships, or women that prevent him from opening up to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
👉 He went through a painful old relationship, with a complicated breakup, and it hasn’t yet been digested. Julien was hurt by his ex-girlfriend who cheated on him and left him for another man. Since then, he has suffered the after-effects of this traumatic experience. He has trouble trusting women, he fears being betrayed or abandoned again. He protects himself by keeping his distance from Laura and avoiding getting emotionally involved with her.
👉 Julien is affected by psychological disorders that arise from painful memories that he was unable to digest. These memories have a negative impact on his love life and make him unhappy with his new partner. Fortunately, he decides to consult a therapist who helps him resolve his past problems. Thanks to this healing process, he succeeds in regaining the confidence and inner peace essential to flourishing in his present relationship.
The 12 behaviors that show that a man in love is afraid:
How do you know if a man is in love but afraid? There are several signs that can alert you and help you decipher his behavior. Here are the main signs:
👉 Frequent cancellation of appointments:
If he frequently cancels your dates or avoids meeting you, it may be a sign that he is afraid to commit further to the relationship. He may be anxious about spending time together and prefer to protect himself by maintaining a certain distance.
👉 Concealment of the relationship:
He can choose to keep the relationship a secret or hide it from those around him. This may indicate that he is afraid of judgment or negative reactions from friends, family or co-workers.
👉 Sudden disappearance:
There may be times when it disappears without explanation for a while. This may be due to his fear of becoming emotionally committed or facing the challenges of a romantic relationship.
👉 He is distant and elusive.
This is the most obvious and common sign. A man who is afraid of his feelings will tend to be distant and avoidant with the woman he loves. He will avoid seeing her too often, talking to her for too long, or paying her too many compliments.
👉 It sends mixed signals.
This is the most confusing and frustrating sign. A man who is afraid of his feelings will tend to send contradictory signals to the woman he loves. He will alternate between moments of tenderness and affection, where he will be attentive, romantic, or passionate with her, and moments of coldness and indifference, where he will be distant, critical, or aggressive with her. . He will also constantly change his mind, say one thing and do the opposite, or make promises that he doesn’t keep. This behavior reflects their inner confusion, ambivalence, or emotional instability.
👉Avoidance of commitments:
The man may show a certain reluctance to commit to a serious relationship. He may be distant or avoid conversations about the future of the relationship.
👉 Hesitation to express your feelings:
He may have difficulty expressing his romantic feelings openly. He might be reserved or keep his emotions to himself, for fear of being rejected or appearing vulnerable.
👉 Avoidance of deep discussions:
He may avoid emotionally charged conversations or intimate topics that might bring his fears and insecurities to light.
👉 Excessive concern for the opinions of others:
He may worry excessively about the opinions of others, especially his family or friends. This concern may push him to delay making the relationship official or to keep his feelings hidden.
👉 Fear of vulnerability:
The man in love may feel an intense fear of showing himself vulnerable in front of his partner. He may be reluctant to share his weaknesses or concerns for fear of being judged or losing his independence.
👉 Avoidance of future topics:
If he avoids talking about the future together, such as the possibility of living together or starting a family, it may be a sign that he is afraid of long-term commitment.
👉 Resistance to emotional intimacy:
He may show some reluctance to engage emotionally and share deep, intimate moments. This may be due to fear of abandonment or fear of being emotionally hurt.
Man in love who is afraid: the consequences on the relationship
A man’s fear of commitment can have negative consequences on the relationship he has with the woman he loves. Indeed, his behavior can cause suffering, frustration, or incomprehension in his partner, who does not know how to react to his contradictory signals.
👉 The relationship becomes unstable and uncertain.
A man who is afraid of commitment will have a tendency to play hot and cold with his partner, to give her hope then take it away, to approach then move away from her. He will also avoid committing, projecting himself, or being exclusive with her. He will thus create an unstable and uncertain relationship, where the woman does not know where she stands with him, nor what he expects of her. She will feel insecure, anxious, or devalued in the relationship.
👉 The relationship becomes conflictual and painful.
A man who is afraid of his feelings will have a tendency to be distant, cold, or aggressive with his partner, to make unjustified reproaches, to criticize her, or to hurt her. He will also avoid communicating, confiding, or resolving problems with her. It will thus create a conflictual and painful relationship, where the woman feels misunderstood, rejected, or mistreated in the relationship. She will feel hurt, angry, or sad in the relationship.
👉 The relationship becomes impossible and unsatisfactory.
A man who is afraid of commitment will have a tendency to flee or sabotage the relationship with his partner, to lie to her, to cheat on her, or to leave her. He will also refuse to change, to question himself, or to get help to overcome his fear. He will thus create an impossible and unsatisfactory relationship, where the woman cannot be happy with him, nor make him happy. She will feel helpless, hopeless, or resigned to the relationship.
How to help a man in love overcome his fear?
👉 Identify the source of your fear: is it linked to your past, your beliefs, your expectations, your environment?
👉 Make him understand that he is not alone in feeling this fear and that he can talk about it with you, with someone he trusts, like a friend, a therapist.
👉 Show him that there are advantages to engaging in a romantic relationship, such as support, complicity, sharing, personal growth.
👉 Respect his pace and his desires, without imposing ultimatums or conditions.
👉 Express your love and trust to him, without reproaching or criticizing him.
👉 Encourage him to do activities that he enjoys and that relax him, such as sports, music, drawing, etc.
👉 Suggest doing joint projects in the short or medium term, such as outings, trips, leisure activities, etc.
👉 Be patient and understanding.
A man who is afraid of commitment needs time and space to feel comfortable with you. Don’t rush him, don’t force him, don’t harass him. Respect their pace, their needs, their desires. Show him that you understand his situation, that you do not judge him, that you do not reproach him. Be attentive, empathetic, and kind to him.
👉 Be reassuring and encouraging.
Express your feelings, your expectations, your desires. Show him that you love him for who he is, not for what he does or what he has. Show him that you are proud of him, that you support him, that you value him. Show him that you are happy with him, that you feel good in the relationship, that you have confidence in him and in the future.
👉 Be honest and authentic.
Don’t lie to him, don’t hide the truth from him, don’t make false promises. Be sincere, transparent, and consistent with him. Tell him what you think, what you feel, what you want. Be yourself, without playing a role, without pretending, without trying to manipulate or change it.
👉 Be positive and optimistic.
A man who is afraid of commitment needs to feel motivated and inspired by you. Don’t be negative, pessimistic, or depressed. Don’t complain all the time, don’t criticize all the time, don’t dramatize things. Be positive, optimistic, and enthusiastic. Highlight the positive aspects of the relationship, the common points, the common projects. Be smiling, happy, and fun. Make him see the bright side of things, make him discover new things, make him experience pleasant moments.
Conclusion
👉 In this article, we sought to understand why some men are afraid of their feelings and how this manifests in their behavior. We have seen that the causes of this fear can be multiple and varied, such as lack of self-confidence, social conditioning, or past wounds. We have also seen that the consequences of this fear can be harmful for the romantic relationship, such as instability, conflict, or breakup.
Finally, we have seen that women who are in a relationship with a man who is afraid of his feelings can help him overcome his fear by adopting attitudes and actions that promote trust, communication, and intimacy in the relationship
Read also: Silence of a man in love: the healthy/unhealthy reasons
