Romantic relationships can be wonderful, but they can also be complicated and painful. Sometimes we may find ourselves faced with a difficult decision: end a relationship or continue working in it.
👉 However, it is important not to be fooled by reasons that may seem right at first glance, but in reality are just justifications for a breakup.
In this article, we’ll look at 17 common breakup causes and 32 common bad breakup reasons people end a relationship, to better understand what can really be causing a breakup.
Table of Contents
17 causes of separation and divorce in romantic relationships
Separation and divorce are difficult events to live with, which can have significant consequences on the personal, family, social and professional lives of the people concerned. But what pushes couples to separate or divorce?
What are the most common causes of breakup?
In this chapter, we will present to you: 👇
17 reasons for separation and divorce, based on scientific studies, testimonials and professional advice.
👉 Infidelity:
It is one of the most common causes of separation and divorce. Infidelity can be defined as having a sexual or emotional relationship with someone other than one’s spouse, without their consent or without their knowledge. Infidelity can cause partners to feel betrayed, angry, jealous, guilty or ashamed, and undermine mutual trust and respect.
👉 Domestic violence:
It is the act of carrying out physical, psychological, sexual or economic violence on one’s spouse, repeatedly or occasionally. Domestic violence can have serious consequences on the health and safety of victims, as well as their self-esteem and autonomy. Domestic violence is a legitimate reason for separation and divorce, and must be reported to the competent authorities.
👉 Incompatibility:
It is the fact of not sharing the same values, the same tastes, the same projects or the same expectations with your partner. Incompatibility can be a source of conflict, frustration, boredom or dissatisfaction in the couple. Incompatibility may be related to differences in personality, culture, religion, education, age or lifestyle.
👉 The routine:
It’s the fact of living a monotonous relationship, without surprises, without passion or fantasy. Routine can set in over time, due to work, children, daily obligations or lack of effort to maintain the flame. Routine can lead to a feeling of weariness, indifference or disinterest in your partner.
👉 Communication:
It is the act of exchanging information, opinions, feelings or needs with your partner. Communication is essential to maintaining a healthy and harmonious relationship. Poor communication can be due to a lack of listening, dialogue, understanding or respect. Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, arguments, reproaches or resentment within the couple.
👉 Sex:
It is having a sexual relationship with your partner. Sex is an important element in expressing love, desire and pleasure in the relationship. Bad sexuality can be caused by a lack of desire, satisfaction, complicity or variety. Poor sexuality can create a feeling of frustration, insecurity or rejection in partners.
👉 Money:
It is the act of managing the financial resources of the couple. Money is a sensitive subject that can be a source of tension, disagreements or conflicts within a couple. Poor financial management can be due to a lack of balance, transparency, sharing or saving. Poor financial management can lead to problems of debt, over-indebtedness or poverty.
👉Children:
It is the fact of having or not having children with your partner. Children are a source of happiness, but also of responsibilities and constraints for the couple. A poor parental relationship may be linked to a different desire to have or not have children, difficulty conceiving or adopting, divergent upbringing, or lack of support. A poor parental relationship can affect the couple’s complicity, freedom and intimacy.
👉 The family:
It is the fact of having kinship or affinity with one’s spouse. The family is a support, but also an influence for the couple. A poor family relationship may be due to interference, opposition, criticism or conflict from parents, in-laws, siblings or other family members. A poor family relationship can harm the autonomy, trust and respect of the couple.
👉 Friends:
It is having friendly relations with your spouse. Friends are a source of pleasure, but also of sharing for the couple. A bad friendship can be caused by isolation, jealousy, betrayal or rivalry on the part of the spouse’s or couple’s friends. A poor friendship can reduce the sociability, loyalty and solidarity of the couple.
👉 The work:
It is the fact of having a professional activity with your spouse. Work is a means of achievement, but also of contribution for the couple. A bad professional relationship can be caused by stress, overload, failure or conflict related to the work of the spouse or couple. A poor professional relationship can affect the health, motivation and fulfillment of the couple.
👉 Leisure:
It’s having relaxing activities with your partner. Leisure is a means of entertainment, but also of enrichment for the couple. A poor playful relationship can be caused by a lack of time, interest, diversity or quality of the spouse’s or couple’s leisure activities. A poor playful relationship can reduce the pleasure, curiosity and creativity of the couple.
👉 Projects:
It’s having common goals with your partner. Projects are a means of progress, but also of commitment for the couple. A poor projective relationship can be caused by a lack of vision, coherence, realism or monitoring of the spouse’s or couple’s projects. A poor projective relationship can limit a couple’s growth, ambition and satisfaction.
👉 Values:
It is the fact of having moral principles with your spouse. Values are a means of orientation, but also of support for the couple. A poor ethical relationship can be caused by a lack of respect, tolerance, dialogue or compromise on the values of the spouse or couple. A bad ethical relationship can compromise the identity, diversity and harmony of the couple.
👉 Needs:
It’s having personal expectations with your spouse. Needs are a means of expression, but also of satisfaction for the couple. A poor emotional relationship can be caused by a lack of attention, affection, recognition or support for the needs of the spouse or couple. A bad emotional relationship can alter the esteem, love and happiness of the couple.
👉 Desires:
It is having personal desires with your spouse. Desires are a means of exploration, but also of achievement for the couple. A bad passionate relationship can be due to a lack of fantasy, daring, surprise or innovation regarding the desires of the spouse or couple. A bad passionate relationship can reduce the attraction, excitement and wonder of the couple.
👉 Feelings:
It’s having personal emotions with your spouse. Feelings are a means of expression, but also of connection for the couple. A poor emotional relationship can be caused by a lack of sincerity, sensitivity, understanding or empathy about the feelings of the spouse or couple. A bad relationship
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Statistics on separation and divorce in France: 56% of celebrated marriages will end in divorce 😮
Separation and divorce are demographic phenomena that affect many couples and families in France.
According to INSEE, in 2019, there were 227,000 marriages celebrated, including 221,000 between people of different sexes and 6,000 between people of the same sex. The same year, there were 123,000 divorces pronounced, including 121,000 between people of different sexes and 2,000 between people of the same sex.
The number of divorces fell by 1.4% compared to 2018, but it remains higher than in the 2000s.
The divorce rate
The divorce rate, which measures the number of divorces per 1,000 inhabitants, was 1.9 in 2019, compared to 2.1 in 2018. The marriage rate, which measures the number of marriages per 1,000 inhabitants, was 3 .4 in 2019, compared to 3.5 in 2018. The ratio between these two rates indicates that approximately 56% of marriages celebrated in 2019 will end in divorce, if 2019 conditions continue.
The average age at divorce
The average age at divorce was 46.7 years for men and 43.8 years for women in 2019, up 0.2 years from 2018. The average age at marriage was 38.6 years for men and 36.1 years for women in 2019, up 0.1 years from 2018. The average length of marriages dissolved by divorce was 14.8 years in 2019, down 0 .1 year compared to 2018.
The breakdown of PACS or free union
In addition to divorce, there are other forms of marital separation, such as the breakdown of a PACS or common-law union.
According to the DREES, on average over the period 2010-2019, there were 425,000 marital separations per year, including 29% divorces, 25% breakdowns of civil partnerships and 46% breakdowns of common-law unions.
Around 379,000 minor children have experienced the breakdown of the union of the adults who were responsible for them each year, including 54% following a divorce, 16% following a breakdown of a PACS and 30% following a breakdown of a common-law union. .
The consequences of separation
Separation and divorce have social, economic and legal consequences for the people concerned, particularly in terms of housing, income, alimony, child custody, etc. According to INSEE, in 2018, 2.4 million people lived alone after being in a relationship, including 1.6 million women and 0.8 million men. Among them, 1.4 million were divorced, 0.6 million widowed and 0.4 million separated. Around 1.8 million minor children lived in a single-parent family, including 1.4 million with their mother and 0.4 million with their father.
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32 bad reasons for separation and divorce
1.Because we are bored.
Boredom is inevitable in any long-term relationship. It’s not because we no longer have butterflies in our stomach that we no longer have feelings. Instead of running away from boredom, we must combat it by doing activities together, by trying new things, by surprising each other.
2. Because we are afraid of commitment.
Commitment scares many people, who fear losing their freedom, their identity, their independence. But to commit is not to deny ourselves, it is to choose to share our life with someone who loves and respects us. If we’re afraid to commit, maybe it’s because we have wounds to heal, not because we need to break up.
3. Because we met someone else.
The grass is always greener on the other side, they say. But is it true?
Meeting someone else can be tempting, but that doesn’t mean you’re more compatible, happier, more in love with that person. Before breaking up for a new meeting, you have to ask yourself if you are ready to lose everything for a crush that can fizzle out as quickly as it was sparked.
4. Because we have differences.
Differences are inevitable in a relationship. We cannot agree on everything, have the same tastes, the same opinions, the same desires. Differences are even enriching, because they allow us to discover other facets of the world, other points of view, other cultures. Instead of breaking up over differences, we must learn to accept and respect them.
5. Because we have arguments.
Arguments are normal in a relationship. They are even healthy, because they allow you to express your needs, your frustrations, your emotions. They are also an opportunity to reconcile and get closer. Instead of breaking up over arguments, you need to learn to manage and resolve them.
6. Because we have sexual problems.
Sexuality is important in a couple, but it is not everything. There are periods when libido can drop, when desire can fade, when routine can set in. This is not a reason to break up, but to talk about it and look for solutions together.
7. Because we have financial problems.
Money is often a source of conflict in a relationship. There may be disagreements on how to manage the budget, on expenses, on projects. But money is not a value in itself, it is a means to realize your dreams and aspirations. Instead of breaking up over financial problems, you need to support and trust each other.
8. Because we have family problems.
Family is an essential element in the life of a couple. But it can also be a source of tension, pressure and interference. There may be conflicts with in-laws, brothers and sisters, children. But these problems should not affect the couple’s relationship, which must remain supportive and united.
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Bad reasons for separation linked to fear and insecurity 😱
One of the main reasons people choose to end a relationship has to do with fear and insecurity. Intense emotions like fear of abandonment, fear of commitment, jealousy, and anxiety can lead to impulsive decisions to end a relationship, even if it doesn’t solve the problem in the long term. Here are some examples of bad reasons to break up related to fear and insecurity:
1) Fear of abandonment:
Fear of losing their partner can cause someone to end a relationship before their partner does.
2) Fear of commitment:
Fear of commitment can cause someone to break up with their partner, even if the relationship is healthy and fulfilling.
3) Excessive jealousy:
Jealousy can be a destructive emotion that can lead to the breakdown of a relationship, even if it is based on irrational and unfounded fears.
4) Anxiety:
Anxiety can lead to communication problems and conflict in a relationship, which can lead someone to break up with their partner rather than working to overcome these problems.
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Bad reasons linked to social and family pressure 😈
Social and family expectations can put considerable pressure on a person to make decisions that may not be in alignment with their true feelings and desires. Here are some examples of bad reasons to break up linked to social and family pressure:
1) Pressure from friends and family:
There can be a lot of pressure from friends and family to end a relationship, particularly if the relationship is not considered “suitable” or does not meet social norms.
2) The pressure of age:
Age pressure can cause a person to end a relationship simply because it doesn’t fit what is expected of their age or life situation.
3) Career pressure:
Career demands can cause a person to end a relationship, even if they are happy in their relationship, simply because they think it might affect their career.
4) Cultural pressure:
Cultural norms can put pressure on people to marry or partner with people from their own culture or religion, even if they prefer a relationship with someone from another culture or religion. another religion.
Bad reasons linked to conflicts of personality and interests 😔
Personality and interest conflicts can be a reason why people choose to leave a relationship. However, it is important to distinguish minor conflicts from major conflicts that can jeopardize the relationship.
1) Minor disagreements:
Minor disagreements can be a normal part of any relationship, but they shouldn’t be the main reason for breaking up. It is important to work together to find solutions to these disagreements.
2) Differences of interests:
Differences in interests should not be enough of a reason to break up, as it is possible to find common ground and discover new activities together.
3) Personality differences:
Personality differences can make a relationship more difficult, but they shouldn’t be the only reason to break up. It is important to understand and respect the other person’s differences.
4) Minor conflicts linked to daily life:
Minor conflicts related to daily life, such as the division of household chores or differences in food tastes, should not be a reason to break up.
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Bad reasons related to sexual and health problems 🥺
Sexual and health issues can be reasons why people choose to leave a relationship. However, it is important to distinguish between problems that can be resolved through communication and openness, and those that require medical attention or professional intervention.
1) Sexual performance problems:
Sexual performance problems, such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, can be frustrating for both partners, but they shouldn’t be the only reason to break up. It is important to discuss these issues and work together to find solutions.
2) Differences in libido:
Differences in libido can make a relationship more difficult, but it shouldn’t be the only reason to break up.
3) Health problems:
Health issues, such as chronic illnesses or mental disorders, can be difficult to manage in a relationship, but they shouldn’t be the only reason to break up.
4) Problems with physical appearance:
Physical appearance issues, such as weight gain or hair loss, can affect self-esteem, but it shouldn’t be the only reason to break up. It is important to focus on the inner qualities of your partner and encourage them to take care of their health.
Bad reasons linked to lies and betrayal 😠
Lies and betrayal are serious problems in a relationship and can be legitimate reasons to break up. However, it’s important to distinguish between mistakes that can be corrected and toxic behaviors that require a permanent breakup.
1) Minor lies:
Minor lies, such as lying about a small mistake or an innocent activity, should not be the main reason for breaking up.
2) Minor betrayals:
Minor betrayals, such as breaking a promise or not being true to a given word, shouldn’t be the only reason to break up.
3) Past mistakes:
Past mistakes, such as irresponsible behavior or errors in judgment, can be difficult to forgive, but that shouldn’t be the only reason to break up.
4) Family secrets:
Family secrets can be difficult to reveal, but that shouldn’t be the only reason to break up. It is important to discuss these issues and find common ground.
The wrong reasons linked to the idealization of love and romance 🤩
The idealization of love and romance can be a common reason people break up, but it can also be a bad reason. Here are some examples of bad reasons to break up related to the idealization of love and romance:
1) Unrealistic expectations:
When we idealize love and romance, we can have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should be like. This can lead to disappointment and frustration, but it shouldn’t be the only reason to break up.
2) Comparison with other couples:
When we idealize love and romance, we may be tempted to compare our relationship with that of other couples. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or jealousy, but that shouldn’t be the only reason to break up.
3) The desire for perfection:
When we idealize love and romance, we can become obsessed with finding a perfect relationship. This can lead to a constant search for perfection and constant dissatisfaction, but that shouldn’t be the only reason to break up.
4) The search for “true love”:
When we idealize love and romance, we can become obsessed with finding our “soul mate” or “true love.” This can lead to the constant search for a perfect person, but that shouldn’t be the only reason to break up. It’s important to understand that relationships take work and commitment to work.
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Breaking up to find yourself better is not always true!
It is often said that breaking up is the way to find yourself better, but this is not always true. What does that mean exactly? Does that mean you can’t find love again without a breakup? Or that you can’t reconcile with your ex? Or that we can’t discover ourselves as a couple?
👉 I think this sentence is too simplistic and does not reflect the complexity of human relationships.
Sometimes, separating can be beneficial for questioning yourself, for growing, for changing. Sometimes, finding yourself can be a source of happiness, comfort, and complicity. And sometimes neither is possible. The important thing is to know what you really want and to respect your feelings and those of others.
How to avoid or manage these reasons for separation and divorce?
Faced with these reasons for separation and divorce, there are ways to avoid or manage them, if we wish and if we can. Here are some ideas:
1) Sexualize:
Sexuality is the glue of any couple relationship. It allows us to give ourselves, to receive ourselves, to please ourselves, to get closer, to renew ourselves, etc. It is therefore important to sexualize frequently, qualitatively, respectfully and creatively with your partner, taking into account their needs, desires, limits, etc. and seek to mutually satisfy them.
2) Value:
Values are the driving force of any couple relationship. They allow us to define ourselves, to situate ourselves, to project ourselves, to realize ourselves, etc. It is therefore necessary to value one’s own values, to express them, to live them, to share them, etc. with your partner, but also to respect, accept, recognize, etc. the values of the other, and to seek a balance between them.
3) Adapt:
Life events are the challenges of any couple relationship. They allow us to confront ourselves, to test ourselves, to change ourselves, to surpass ourselves, etc. It is therefore essential to adapt to life events, to anticipate them, to face them, to overcome them, etc. with his partner,
4) Work on communication:
Open and honest communication is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. Take time to speak with your partner regularly and discuss your feelings, expectations and concerns. Also listen to what your partner has to say and be willing to compromise when necessary.
5) Avoid unrealistic expectations:
Avoid focusing on the idea of a perfect relationship or unrealistic expectations of what your partner should do or be. No one is perfect and relationships take work and commitment to work.
6) Avoid comparisons:
Avoid comparing your relationship with that of other couples. Every relationship is unique and there is no universal standard for what a relationship should look like. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and work on the areas that need improvement.
7) Avoid rushing:
Avoid making hasty decisions about your relationship. Take time to think about your feelings and discuss your concerns with your partner. If necessary, consider the help of a couples counselor or therapist to help you work on your issues.
8) Respect each other:
Respect your partner’s needs, feelings and opinions. Avoid criticizing or judging your partner in a negative way. If you have a disagreement, try to work together to find a compromise that suits everyone.
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How to act when your partner asks for divorce, without real reasons?
1) Listen carefully :
Listen to what your partner has to say, without interrupting. Try to understand the reasons for his divorce request. Ask questions to clarify the reasons for this decision and ask for concrete examples.
2) Be calm and respectful:
Avoid reacting with anger or becoming defensive. Remain calm and respectful. Try to understand your partner’s feelings and respect their decision.
3) Seek professional help:
If your partner is unwilling to talk or work with you to resolve problems, consider seeing a therapist. They can help you understand your options and find ways to resolve problems constructively.
4) Take care of yourself :
Divorce can be difficult to deal with emotionally. Take the time to take care of yourself and your mental and physical well-being. Surround yourself with supportive people and look for ways to manage stress and anxiety.
5) Be prepared to negotiate:
If you agree with your partner’s request for divorce, be prepared to negotiate the terms of the separation. This may include property division, child custody and financial arrangements. If you have disagreements, try to work together to find a compromise that suits everyone.
What to do before divorce or separation?
Take stock of your situation.
Before making the decision to divorce, it is essential to take stock of your personal, financial, family and legal situation. What are the reasons that push you to divorce? What are your rights and obligations? What are the consequences of divorce on your children, your property, your alimony, etc.? ? It may be helpful to consult a lawyer specializing in family law for information and advice.
Choose the type of divorce that suits you.
There are different types of divorce depending on the degree of conflict between the spouses and the reason for the divorce. Divorce by mutual consent is the quickest and least expensive, but it requires that the spouses agree on all aspects of the divorce. Divorce for acceptance of the principle of the breakdown of the marriage is possible if the spouses agree to divorce but not on the consequences of the divorce. Divorce for permanent alteration of the marital bond is possible if the spouses have been separated for at least two years.
Divorce for fault is the longest and most complex, but it allows the victim spouse to invoke serious acts committed by the other spouse (violence, adultery, etc.).
Prepare yourself psychologically and emotionally.
Divorce is an ordeal that can cause stress, sadness, anger, guilt or even relief. It is important to take care of yourself and be supported by people you trust (family, friends, therapist, etc.).
You must also prepare to deal with the reactions of your children, who may be disturbed by the change in situation. You must explain the situation to them in simple, age-appropriate words, assure them of your love and support, and respect their pace and needs.
Prepare yourself materially and financially.
Divorce often involves a change in housing, income, childcare arrangements, etc. You must therefore anticipate these changes and plan a budget adapted to your new situation. You must also gather all the documents necessary for the divorce procedure (marriage certificate, birth certificate of children, marriage contract, bank statements, pay slips, etc.) and keep them in a safe place.
Prepare for the future.
Divorce is not an end in itself, but a step towards a new life. You must therefore project yourself into the future and consider the opportunities available to you. You can take advantage of the divorce to take stock of your desires, your projects, your passions, etc. You can also open yourself up to meeting new people, whether friendly or romantic. Divorce can be an opportunity to rebuild and reinvent yourself.
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Separation and divorce: how to act in this ordeal?
List of bad things not to do during a separation:
Not respecting the feelings of others.
It’s normal to be sad, angry or disappointed after a breakup, but you should avoid taking revenge, harassing or insulting your ex. This will only make the situation worse and prevent you from moving on.
Not taking care of yourself.
It is important to do good for yourself after a separation, whether by playing sports, going out with friends, treating yourself or embarking on new projects. Neglecting yourself or withdrawing into yourself will only increase discomfort and the feeling of loneliness.
Not accepting reality.
You have to know when a relationship is over and not cling to false hopes. You should avoid staying in contact with your ex, monitoring him/her on social networks or trying to get him/her back at all costs. We must accept that everyone has their own life and their own path.
Not learning from failure.
It’s helpful to take stock of the relationship and understand what didn’t work, what was lacking, or what hurt. This allows you to grow, improve and not repeat the same mistakes in the future. We must avoid blaming ourselves or blaming others.
Not giving yourself time to heal.
You must respect your rhythm and your emotions after a separation. You should not rush into a new relationship or try to forget your ex at all costs. You have to give yourself time to grieve, rebuild yourself and regain your self-confidence.
Mistakes not to make when divorce proceedings are underway ⚠
Not being honest:
Being honest with yourself and your partner is essential to avoiding future problems. Avoid hiding important information, as this can damage trust and make the process more difficult.
Not being open to compromise:
Negotiations are an integral part of the divorce process. Be prepared to discuss the terms of the separation and be open to reasonable compromises so that both parties can move forward.
Using children as leverage:
Children are often the most affected by divorce. Avoid using them as pressure or blackmail to get what you want. The priority must be to protect their well-being and balance.
Not seeking support:
Divorce can be emotionally draining. Seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to help you through this difficult time.
Failing to meet deadlines and commitments:
Deadlines and commitments must be respected to avoid unnecessary complications. Make sure you follow the rules and agreed-upon deadlines to make the divorce process go as quickly and smoothly as possible.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, breaking up with someone can be one of the hardest decisions you make in life, but it’s important to make sure the decision is made for the right reasons. The 32 bad reasons we’ve listed may seem compelling at first glance, but they shouldn’t be the basis for your decision.
It’s important to take the time to think about what’s wrong in your relationship, communicate with your partner, and seek professional help if needed. Ultimately, the goal of a relationship is to grow and develop together, and it’s important to work together to overcome obstacles rather than simply giving up at the first difficulty.
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